(PROCEEDS FROM Surviving the Folded Flag benefit Tragedy Assistance Program for survivors of military personnel www.taps.org)
Deborah & David Tainsh, Patrick & Phillip
MY MISSION: As the proud wife of USMC Sgt Maj (ret), David Tainsh, mom to Phillip Jason, and Gold Star mom to U.S. Army Cavalry Scout Sgt Patrick Tainsh, I am an established speaker and author of two books not only to honor the legacy of my husband's only child and namesake, but the legacies of other soldiers, marines, sailors, airmen, and coast guard.
My mission in life since Patrick was killed in Iraq 2/11/04 has been to provide grief support to families of the fallen, show love and support to our wounded warriors and heroes still serving, and to share messages with others about how they can best help and honor America's Blue, Silver, and Gold Star families. And facilitate journaling/writing workshops for cathartic and family legacy purposes.
For anyone reading this who doesn't know the terms Blue, Silver, or Gold Star service flags & families, I will briefly share they are terms that go back to World War I and II, but were not used during Korea or Vietnam. During WWI A dad with two sons serving on the front lines of battle created the Blue Star Flag which contains a red border, white inside the border, and blue stars in the center to represent loved ones serving in the military during war time. When a loved one dies while serving during war time, the blue turns to gold, and for those wounded the blue turns to silver. for more about these important military family symbols, go to: http://www.goldstarmoms.com
OUR PERSONAL JOURNEY
When Our Journey Began
On February 12, 2004 at six a.m. my husband and I received the knock on our door that every military family prays they will never experience.
My step-son, my bonus son, who came into my life when he was 13 and whose birth mother died when he was 17, my husband's only biological son and namesake, Sgt Patrick Tainsh of the U.S. Army 2nd Armored Cavalry Regiment/2nd Squadron/Eagle Troop had been killed 18 hours earlier by an IED while on patrol with part of his unit just outside Baghdad International Airport.
The news left us in a daze and with disbelief as nothing we had ever experienced in our life time. And the journey that ensued has brought me to this place to share with those experiencing the same tragedy and trauma how parents of a war fatality are Surving the Folded Flag with coping and courage.
Every day from the first leaves each of us wondering how our hearts continued to beat after receiving such news, such shock and pain. We wonder how we'll manage to continue moving one foot in front of the other, how we will pry ourselves from bed, how we'll find meaning in living again after the death of our children, "the crowns of our head."
And we all asked the same questions: why my child? why my family? When will the excrutiating pain cease? Will it cease? How do I make this better? How will I find the will to go on living?
During a conversation with another mom within a few months of her only son's death in Afghanistan, she said, " I have read grief books, but they all say the same and none of them tell me I'll ever feel better. They don't tell me this anvil in my heart will ever grow lighter."
At the time of this conversation, I was beyond a year of Patrick's death, and through the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors of military personnel in Washington, D.C. www.taps.org my husband and I had trained to become peer mentors to other parents.
Because we had suffered for a year without contact with another mom or dad we knew the lonliness and frustration of having no one to compare notes with, to validate the emotional roller coaster rides we were experiencing, so we wanted to be available to others in need.
Now, after a number of years and my communication with numerous other moms and dads since Patrick's death, I have had ringing in my mind my friend's statement that nothing she read ever said she'd be free of such weight of pain and grief .
So, here I am now to tell grieving moms and dads that it is possible, even though you may believe at this very moment that it is not.
Hundreds of us since the beginning of the war in Afghanistan in 2002 and the war in Iraq in 2003 have managed to survive and find that although it came in small increments, the weight of the anvil of pain and grief did lighten. I will never say we find closure or complete healing, but we do learn how to "live differently" and find peace through various ways. How, you asked?
Each individual must discover in their own time the answer to How as they traverse their journey. But to provide support to you, validation of your emotions, and hope, stories of others are provided in Surviving the Folded Flag, Parents of war share stories of coping, courage, & faith available from www.militaryfamilybooks.com
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As parents of war who have struggled to survive the folded flag since the death of our son, Sergeant Patrick Tainsh in Iraq, February 2004, my husband David and I want to always be available to help others who have followed our path.
My book, Heart of a Hawk: One family's sacrifice and journey toward healing www.heartofahawk.com was released by Elva Resa Publishing in 2006. The book was originally a gift to my husband to let him know that his son would never be forgotten. I believe that writing is a tool for memorializing those we love and creating a type of immortality.
My secondary reason for writing was for my personal cathartic purpose. And lastly, I had hope that in publishing Patrick's story and ours, it would inspire others who followed our path, and also provide insight to civilians regarding the service and sacrifices made by America's military families.
To further carry Patrick's legacy forward, proceeds from book sales are donated to The Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors of military personnel headquartered in Washington, D.C. www.taps.org
On our journey Dave and I have bonded with several hundred families through TAPS. We've heard their stories shared our own as we came together in grief circles at TAPS and other venues. I learned from these parents that the greatest help had come to them through hearing other's stories and sharing their own. Because of this, I had the idea for a book of individual family stories. After sharing the book idea with Gold Star parents I knew, a number of them wanted to participate and make the project a reality.
On Memorial weekend, 2010, we were proud to debut Surviving the Folded Flag, Parents of war share stories of coping, courage, and faith at the TAPS (Tragedy Assistance Program for survivors of military personnel ( www.taps.org) and the National Museum of the United States Marine Corps, Quantico, Va.
Surviving is a compilation of essays from 25 other moms or dads who received the dreaded news that their child had died in military service. These invaluable stories show how today's military families are surviving the folded flag and give a glimpse into the lives of fallen service members as Gold Star parents tell the stories and celebrate the live of their fallen heroes.
Surviving also includes advice for other Gold Star families, their friends, and family members.
Bonus essays from a casualty assistance officer and a former soldier give deeper insight into how wartime death affects comrades left behind.
"This book is an invaluable asset for understanding what really happens in families who suffer the greatest of losses."--John C. Powledge, command chaplian, 335th Signal Command
Order Heart of a Hawk or Surviving the Folded Flag:
www.elvaresa.com OR DIRECT
FROM DEBORAH TAINSH E-MAIL heartofahawk@msn.com
REVIEW:
http://www.newsherald.com/news/day-83708-military-moms.html
Gold Star moms Surviving debut at National Museum of Marine Corps, May 30, 2010
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOVVEiuw_7s
Deb Speaking to Wounded Warriors, Destin, Fla Spring 2010
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GSLI7PwhVj8
BEN STEIN AT TAPS 2010
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xSspmui3OQ
LARRY GATLIN AT TAPS 2010
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FRznZVj0Bdc
GOLD STAR CONTRIBUTORS TO SURVIVING THE FOLDED FLAG:
Diana Mihalakis Son: Michael Mihalakis
Beverly Krause (Blue Star Mom) Captain Michael Krause USMC
Shirley Hemenway Son: Navy Electronics Tech I Ronald J Hemenway
Stacey Holley Son: Army Specialist Matthew J. Holley
Donna Parker Son: Marine Sergeant Elisha R. Parker
Kim Smith Son: Army Private Robert L. Frantz
Rosalind Lewis Son: Army Private First Class Clayton W. Henson
Diane Layfield Son: Marine Lance Corporal Travis J. Layfield
Tami McNeil Son: Army Private First Class Spence A. McNeil
Jackie Kenny Son: Army Captain Christopher J. Kenny
Lana Ailes Son: Marine Lance Corporal Jeramy A. Ailes
Cindy Dietz Son: Second Class Gunners Mate Danny P. Dietz, Jr.
Becky Mizener Son: Army Private First Class Jesse D. Mizener
Victoria Carver Son: Navy Corpsman Charles O. Sare
Debbie Newhouse Son: Army Specialist Nicholas E. Wilson
Pam Adams SSon: Army Sergeant First Class Brent A. Adams
Bill Evans Son: Army Specialist William L. Evans
Judy Evans Parker Son: Army Specialist William L. Evans
Chris Wolf Son: Army Specialist James R. Wolf
Emma Johnson GrSon: Marine Lance Corporal Adam J. Crumpler
Denise Culbertson Son: Army Corporal Russell G. Culbertson, III
Patty Wood Son: Army Sergeant Brian M. Wood
Lynne Clark Son: Army Specialist Arron R. Clark
Richard (Dick) Linn Son: Marine Lance Corporal Karl R. Linn
Kat Leon Son: Marine Corporal Christopher D. Leon
Carol Lane Son: Marine Sergeant Bryon E. Lane
Lynn Lenker Son: Marine Corporal Christopher W. Belchik
Penny Young Son: Army Specialist John J. Young
James & Maria Simpson Son: Marine Lance Corporal Abraham Simpson
Deborah Tainsh SSon: Army Sergeant Patrick S. Tainsh
Soldier contributors
Albert Cardona A Casualty Officer's Story
Chris Kruppa A Soldier's Grief on the Battlefield
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